The Doubles in Search For Answers

If you open a door that is closed, you will find answers that do not give reasons or hope. They will double and multiple the doors on which hold onto. Scared maybe they will open all at once sucking life through them, our dreams, our desires, our fears. And we will search once more keen eyes to remind us of why we open in the first place. And nobody will be there to tell us, to remind us, to comfort us for the choice we made and we will make. There may be people around us but blindness suddenly pervades and deafness too isolates into our world of doors opening and closing, opening and closing...

The little light shines on out of the window or through the keyhole. Our strong belief that an answer is out there mocks us day and night but we keep looking, we fight for the key that never existed, the map that does not take anywhere, seeking mystical treasures that would not enrich us a single bit. For you I do this as you would do for me. Hence, do I make my choice alone or is this an ensemble of fortuitous combined decision? Is the answer the one test to prove myself or the joint pride of a group I cannot really distinguish?

Search for answers, my dear double. Search them for you or for me. We all need to cut back, restrain ourselves, bring it all to down those snappy images, those little speckles of time we peer through to grasp the whole meaning of life, of an emotion. And in the end I will not know you, dear double, when my questions will be answered and my decision made for me by someone else other than us two. You will be nothing, an unknown never understood, a misplaced variable in a cosmos too big to handle, with too many doors, too many windows.

Perhaps those out there, the answers, the decisions, will look back at us in commiseration, or will laugh at us in mockery. It is sad to know, sad to hear, but we may never know and never hear for we are nothing you and me. We are a double zero. We are a double nothing. Figures ticking along without a trace, without pace, without time, without ourselves.